Elf On The Shelf, Terrorist

babyrabies.com

I feel felt 

scrape my thigh,

but I stay still

eyes closed tight,

faking sleep,

thinking he might . . .

just go away.

But I lose my last shred of hope

when a cinnamon stench fills my nose

and my wrists are wrapped in mistletoe;

"hush!" I hear him say.

"I've been whispering to your child

gift ideas so crazy wild

that you'll never, ever find them

to put beneath the tree.

I promised her a reindeer.

Then I vandalized the manger.

I would have sodomized the savior,

but he broke in 2003.

And I'm just getting started

with my holly jolly party.

I've a dozen days and a million ways

to give you holi-hell.

Now sleep and dream of sugar plums,

but don't forget, when morning comes

and you're up staggering before the sun,

you gotta move this fucking elf!"

For Shay's prompt at Real Toads