How did it feel
the breath that you held
for heartbeats,
four heartbeats,
a sway hollow knell.
Rattling ribs
till they finally fell
apart - tell me, how did it feel?
And how did it feel
to swallow your tail
for a circle of venom
and snake oil to sell?
I've a Christian's attention
to the devil's details -
so tell me, how did it feel?
Ending with a question for Kerry's prompt at Real Toads
Thursday, November 8, 2018
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About Me
- Maude Lynn
- Anybody who has survived his childhood has enough information about life to last him the rest of his days. ---Flannery O'Connor
12 comments:
I like this poem! The line repeat is excellent. The word play in four/for heartbeat is so very good.
Love the repetition and the question...
the snake makes me think of Ouroboros, and I imagine it being a cornucopia of nothing but venom and snake oil.
Like being told/sold...
like the day after an election maybe?
I can't read this enough times to grasp a specific meaning I'm comfortable with. So I will keep coming back and working it over in my imagination until I do.
Oh, wait. There's a scene in Handmaid's Tale where the defiant handmaids are rounded up and mock-hanged, just to scare them. That's what this is about --- as a metaphor for something else.
"I've a Christian's attention
to the devil's details -"
- and so you do, which is what makes your poetry, so damn word perfect. just so damn word perfect.
absolutely gorgeous, stunning, wildly shocking and brilliantly executed.
I admire the interplay of for and four, and the repetition works well with the circling. So clever!
Oh, that "tell me, how did it feel" repetition is quite something, and in a roundabout manner, it works so well. Yes, "Swallowing your tail" also reminded me of Ouroboros and the various connotations attached to it. Love the diction and the pace!
intricate, deep, and so well carved, MZ ~
This is so powerful, MZ!
Goodness we seemed to have been visited by like thinking muses. Your ending. oh I know that person. Fabulous writing!
Well, you always have strong beginning, middle, and "ends" !! I ADORE "I've a Christian's attention
to the devil's details -"
That is a question we so often ask when another's actions seem inexplicable.. Personally, I loved the two lines before the last, the way in which they set up the final question is brilliant.. but you have always been master of killer last lines.
Thanks for participating, MZ. Always a pleasure to read your work.
Color me stupid, cos i don't know what this means.
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