Image via Creative Commons
Outside one morning,waiting for the bus,
cold
and still half asleep,
I rested my head against a fence post
and my foot on the bottom
strand of wire.
"What are you doin'?"
he hollered from the front porch.
"Nothin',"
I hollered back.
He whipped me twice;
once for having my foot on the wire
and once more for lying about it.
For Mary's Mixed Bag at Real Toads
30 comments:
There are somethings, some moments, one never forgets, and these words captured such an event - whether it be real or imagined memory, I felt it.
Once again, with so few words, you paint a very vivid picture. I can feel the cold, and her sleepiness. Then the sudden irrational attack. This make me angry at the unfairness of it, the concern for an object and the complete lack of human sympathy, and also makes me feel badly for the young girl.
I, too, feel sad for the young girl, who (as I figure the story) did nothing really wrong.... A vividly emotional write.
These lines are like the whiplash.
Great write, and ouch, I can totally relate to the story shared here.
Great writing MZ ~ The ending lines came very strong ~
The barb of injustice often festers into defiance, which leads to the release of all that foul matter such injury causes--one hopes that's the case here.
Well, now that's just nitpickin!
Rick
This packed a powerful punch, Mama Zen. It speaks to the injustices all over the world and transcends centuries and cultures.
Wow, Sioux is so right, MZ. You do pack a lot of power into a few words.
K
Very powerful and succinct poem. You are so good at compression. k.
Damn, you did pack a lot in your verse~ Shocking, is what that is :D
It is forever etched in your memory...so sorry!
Very well written ... so much feelings in your words :-)
ouch! painful!
♥
ouch...double painful..
Like barbed wire........sharp, rusted and unforgiving..........
*hugs*
Mimi
Collage Pirate
Very deep memory, a painful one too. You said so much in so few words but every word was effective.... MZ
Sad.
hard memory but very real and clear...and yes there was a purpose behind it...smiles.
Some happenings sure get etched in memory especially when reprimanded unfairly! Nicely MZ
Hank
Those memories last a lifetime... this is so vivid, I felt it.
... these are the moments in life that should not happen! You made it real for us.
I could feel the emotions..
wrapped in solitude
A harsh memory...the innocence juxtaposed against harshness. This could be a page from my life.
I know him. Well. Are we sisters?
Such a staggering image in just a few words. Love it!
Beautiful yet painful combination of poem and picture. Your poem packs quite a punch in those few lines.
Striking words. They stay with you even after you're done reading.
Sorry I'm running late in returning the visit. Thanks for the comment and visit to my blog a few days ago!
This poem I have actually read a number of times. I grew up in the country and I KNEW not to stand on a wire fence... makes me think the child WAS being a stinker. BUT, of course, the guy sounds like he deserved it...
Intriguing
This is haunting:
"He whipped me twice;
once for having my foot on the wire
and once more for lying about it."
I love the image suggestions: I see a newborn plant growing up toward the wire; but with your foot on it, you would essentially be stomping the plant before it has a chance to really live. And if the plant represents you or your spirit, then you are a person who was born crushing herself (and getting spanked for it). So no matter what, your spirit is trampled.
But I think I just made all of that up. :)
Wow, this packs a punch....literally and figuratively. I am left chilled by it.
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