From my bow, six wayward arrows
arc sublime to rough the sun's halls.
Oh, fly fast, my sharpened sparrows!
Pierce proud channels through the sky walls.
Attack the clouds and break them all!
They'll settle on our drying bones
and our once rich and robust homes;
falling frenzy on the marrow
of life left marked by tilting stones
and a flight of wayward arrows.
Sunday Whirl words in a dizain for Kerry's (brutal!) Sunday challenge at Real Toads.
Also submitted to Poetry Pantry.
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Sunday, July 29, 2012
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About Me
- Maude Lynn
- Anybody who has survived his childhood has enough information about life to last him the rest of his days. ---Flannery O'Connor
29 comments:
Very nice triple whammy again MZ Loved it ...'Oh fly fast my sharpened sparrows'... Ouch. ;)
I tried this. Really, I did! But I gave up after turning my brains to gruel and still having only five lines done. Five not very good lines! So, all due admiration your way for accomplishing this.
Lines 3-5 stand out for me. I really like them!
Great words as always, you are good!!
Strong poem. (I am ducking for sure.) k.
If this is what that forms sounds like I'm going back and try again! I love the rhythm. The imagery is stunning. I love reading the poem over. Tried it aloud and that was good. So glad to have run into you here :-)
Great job with a very tough form! I love the image of the arrows as birds!
Great job with the form. But I'd love to read the same poetic thoughts in MZ's usually biting style ... just for fun. :)
These are my favorites:
"six wayward arrows arc sublime"
"They'll settle on our drying bones"
"falling frenzy on the marrow"
I appreciate the effort MZ on the form (I know as it took me long too) ~ I like the wayward arrows breaking the clouds ~ Cheers ~
nice...great visual...heavy with feeling...and may be clouds break for you...smiles.
I like envisioning the arrows as sharpened sparrows.
Whirling with Richard Wright
Wonderfully done mz! A passioned plea that rises and falls perfectly. But i must admit, i agree with flipside, it seems the form held mama's edge back a bit, and i love the mz edge.
Rick
Oh my wayward arrows!
C'est magnifique, MZ. I love your wayward arrows, and sharpened sparrows. Great stuff!
K
Beautiful. I just finished reading the Hunger Games and your poem reminded me of Katniss. I thought of so much poetry I'd like to write as I read that trilogy. I don't think a novel ever led me in the direction of poetry before. Now this poem is the kind of poem that brought them all back.
really nice, love the 'sharpened sparrows'
really nice, love the 'sharpened sparrows'
LOVE the rhythm in this- very fitting
and some images like : sky walls!
Though this has a more formal feel than most of your writing, it sacrifices nothing in sharp image and original language. It's unusual to call ten lines 'epic,' but that's the reaction I get here.
I enjoy the rhythm and repetition of sounds and the images of wayward arrows. Dangerous.
Well done you with that difficult format.aprille.me
Despite your description of this form as brutal, you have totally owned it! I mean, one look at the words you have used, and the flow of sounds around your rhymes shows us your poetic skill. Beside technique, the content is just top drawer.
I always love a poet that can finish a prompt! Lovely
A prayer for rain, in a way, aching for affect from the only tools left. My attempt at this form feels so plebeian after reading this soaring spirit, arrows, birds, clouds, and all!
I had to look up dizain. Wow, good work. Likening the arrows to sparrows is wonderful.
Magnificent piece. Well done!
"a flight of wayward arrows"
may be, but there is nothing wayward about this poem and your perfection of the form!
♥
I think you can have a Olympic medal for this... :)
What can I say that hasn't already been said, Mama Zen. This is wonderful and does merit several reads.
Pamela
Oh, fly fast, my sharpened sparrows!
Pierce proud channels through the sky walls.
Love that!! Greatness Mama!!
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