Under the skin
of the snapshots you sent,
thin lips strain against empty gesture smiles,
stillness studies the act of touch,
and you stand with the other I called friend.
Under my skin
with the snapshots you sent;
under I'll be fine in time,
under I don't miss you quite so much,
under forgetting what might have been.
So, I utter a curse
on the snapshots you sent.
A curse on your plastic, pitying smiles!
A curse on the hands that used to touch me!
A curse on my reptilian bitch of a friend!
And, each time I see them I curse them again.
A Sunday Whirl wordle submitted to Open Link Monday at Real Toads
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Monday, July 2, 2012
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About Me
- Maude Lynn
- Anybody who has survived his childhood has enough information about life to last him the rest of his days. ---Flannery O'Connor
21 comments:
Your emotions are raw and well-phrased here, MZ, and I do so know how you feel. I hate bitches. But I loved this phrase:
'stillness studies the act of touch...'
You handled the growth of anger in this poem so well, without ever losing control of where each line would take us, until that bitch-slap at the end. Jeez! I felt it.
ouch...dont know if i would still be calling her friend...and get some snap shots of them and you might make some money...
Wow. This is gritty and real. Strong writing, MZ.
I will probably tear those snapshots to pieces ~ Great writing MZ ~
Strong and powerful piece!
This had me pissed and anxious by the end...what a great expression of feeling it has an overwhelming feeling, the kind of feeling that is necessary to even think about future perspective. Great writing.
Powerful words They sent a snapshot? Sounds like they deserve more than a curse.
Know what I like? The exclamation points near the end. This goes from melancholy to resentment to fury and I like it.
I especially like these lines taken out of context:
"stillness studies the act of touch"
"Under my skin
with the snapshots you sent"
Wonderfully realized. Most know the feelings which you have written about so creatively. Great job. k.
Damn I have had "friends" like that! You have spoken those emotions well. I think we need those moments to rage to cleanse it out of us.
Oh, the smoldering and the simmering of a woman scorned...
Some high voltage emotion happening here!
You have captured the raw pain and anger, and the inner strength so well with these phrases and images.
Ouch! She certainly is no friend, mama. Good write.
Pamela
sure no doubt about how you feel. ;-) well done.
Wonderful depth here. The repetition in the second and final stanza works really well. Great write MZ. Thanks
Like the use of the word "snapshot" - very appropriate. Nicley written.
Controlled energy - nice and tight -
the coiled spring, the release of the trigger shot. Well done.
A different photo here:
http://julesgemsandstuff.blogspot.com/2012/07/sw-wordle-63-wedded-bliss.html
Oh, I love this one. Sorry I missed it earlier. Under the/my skin.... I love the way you explore this. And the reptilian bitch of a friend. LoL I know that one. :)
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