I whispered until the sky came closer
and haloed the dark around my nightspeak lips.
And that's how constellations arose here,
lit by longing and crafted by a wish
for a storm starry night, a breathless kiss,
and a water moon pooled between my thighs
to hungry harbor any sailing ships
led lost by my constellations' lies.
A Huitain for Kerry's Challenge at Real Toads
Also submitted to Poetry Pantry
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Sunday, July 15, 2012
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About Me
- Maude Lynn
- Anybody who has survived his childhood has enough information about life to last him the rest of his days. ---Flannery O'Connor
29 comments:
Beautiful and lyric, and quite romantically warm. I esp like the nightspeak.
This is a wonderful poem. It's so filled with great images. I love the second line.
Like Hedge, I like the "nightspeak lips", and wonder what that means, when taken together with the last line. It seems to me that the speaker, while seriously seductive, doesn't have light of her own...she draws it close from outside of herself, an acquired halo.
The third line puts me in mind of a fairy story or campfire tale. All in all, the yin and yang of light and dark combine here in a seductive, dangerous dance.
It is indeed a seductive piece.
Don't you have a little one you chase after? How do you have the energy to be a mom AND write poetry like this?
Life ain't fair... ;)
"and a water moon pooled between my thighs" ... Good golly. I wasn't expecting this. You were all mystical and dark, and then you went there. What an excellent transition into your scary ending. It's like you're blowing kisses, wishing on stars, and trying to breathe ... and then all of a sudden, people are trapped between your legs wondering how on earth they got there ... when they had just been trying to figure out how in the world to get home, thinking you were giving them good directions.
Lovely writing MZ ~ I like to hungry harbor any sailing ships ~
Hmmm... See, that's why i never believe the stars. And isn't a harbour s'posed to be a safe refuge?
Nothim quite like a storm conspired between see and stars.
Beautiful
Rick
def some heat to this...may he find the constelation and fair winds to sail him home...smiles.
The ending unexoected - all the more powerful as a result. Beautifully written with lots of wonderful phrases.
I whispered until the sky came closer
and haloed the dark around my nightspeak lips.
I love this portion especially nightspeak!! Great writing!
Awesome. You do so much with few words.
I love this romantic, seductive poem~
So many wonderful pairings, nightspeak lips, gorgeous~
It is like a seductive dance :D
Ah, she is the Night herself, or the hidden moon!
"And, that's how constellations arose here,
lit by longing and crafted by a wish"
Adore the thread of night visual alongside the sensual "sub-plot"! Absolutely beautiful!
Beautiful, the form is accomplished with panache and delicious half rhymes.
I love the first two lines and how you wind it with that 'constellation of lies.'
Somehow it is sensuously provocative. That I know is true in most parts, MZ!
Hank
How very beautiful. I love the fact that you have used near rhyme for the b lines, because they are so numerous as to become a little overwhelming.
The whole idea of a whisper drawing the sky closer and a kiss creating constellations is just gorgeous.
Very sensual. Sizzling in fact MZ :)
There is a sense of urgency and utmost desire in these 'nightspeak lips'..dazzling..Jae
beautiful!
"lit by longing and crafted by a wish" - i like to think that that's how constellations come into being
Sensuous and romantically naughty! Love the thought that a wish and a kiss can light up the nighttime sky.
By your poem you illuminate an orientation which is scary. The wish to be overwhelmed by the nature or the culture and to get lost in the power of another being is primitive, to say the least. If constellations are established on those premises, constellations are of no worth.
Constellations should rely on respect. But you cannot respect hypocrites and fools. And hypocrites and fools are those who will not *count* as godly beings but who count as functions and roles respectively.
Give me wine ... (｡◕‿◕｡)
Lovely. Thank you.
like your water moon pooling :-) and the extended metaphor. I don't mind the use of the word lies, sometimes those lying and those following those who lie need each other..... good one
A beautiful poem ... I must find a way to use 'nightspeak' at least once a day. What a great word!!
Wonderful. k.
that's the damn juciest string of words i've heard in a long time. makes me want to go find a slip and slide.
yahoo
ooo...like those mermaids who lie in wait to ship wreck the sailors...!
Great words!
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