the wreath on the door
hangs like a noose,
and I walk the carpets threadbare
as if that can bring you home.
Between the hours of four and five,
the pine needles dry and die
and turn loose
leaving finely fading branches
bare as an old lover's bones.
Between the hours of five and six,
I come undone
and break to sticks
the hateful thing,
then weep
for the hours left to be alone.
For the Open Link at dVerse
35 comments:
sad holiday write... full of emotions
But between the hours of seven and eight
You hit it with a plate
Go on a date
Release your hate
Realize your late
Ummm go mate..haha okay I'm done. See such a sad tale I had to add some fun.
Oooo... tugs at the heart strings. Very emotional.
What a beautifully sorrowful poem.
what a heartbreaking piece! could feel the longing and frustration...
Pulls at my own loneliness--so well written!
wow...nice depth to the feeling in this...rather chilling actually...to be waiting knowing they may never come..
I hate loathe and despise this time of year--anxiety and loss and pain is only intensified by the emphasis on everyone else being oh so jolly. The symbol of the not-so-evergreen wreath is perfect for what you're doing here.
A heart breaker, but beautifully written, even if it does chill the heart....
One of your very best, MZ. Such a painful poem written about such an innocuous thing.
Yowza! Putting the big X into Xmas!
The loneliness and waiting are depicted wonderfully. Really enjoyed this, showing yet another layer to your poetic prowess. Great job
The loneliness is intensified during the holidays, I agree. Specially when every one is being merry and nice. Like this MZ ~
A great write, MZ.
you captured and conveyed the heartbreak and loneliness of waiting for someone. beautifully written! ♥
Universal and yet particular. Well done. K.
Nothing is harder for me than waiting...you captured the feeling well
You're really perfecting this terse song-form, MZ - Three stanzas of augmenting despair in which the wreath meant for welcome and cheer inverts into the O-mouth of a lover's forlorn despair. Symbols have two halves -- the word comes from Greek symbolon, a knucklebone whose halves were kept by separate entities. Two faces of the same thing -- door of entry and farewell; wreath that marks both holiday and grave. Fine and finer work -- Brendan
Mama Zen
A sad call of every soul's dread. A round off for someone dear makes a grand tribute.
Hank
An excellent metaphor to show how cruelly hope may turn into despair. I felt this one - especially when the urge to tear the thing to shreds kicked in.
Advent, waiting, anticipating, dragging, dreading. It's all here.
As ever mama you distill with skill
and craft a compressed beast - tamed for at least a minute
Nice!
moving with time, dimensions of hope, aging, and loneliness. all in 3 stanzas.
great metaphor.
very nice piece.
MZ-- your work is ever so carefully, beautifully straightforward-- a wonderful, aching piece. xxxj
heart rending write...
LOVE your last stanza!
"Between the hours of five and six,
I come undone
and break to sticks
the hateful thing,
then weep
for the hours left to be alone."
The lonely lover's nursery rhyme. Normally I don't go for rhyme and rhythm, but it's so subtle here and the emotion of it takes the driver's seat. Nicely done piece. :)
Excruciatingly sad, beautiful poem. So well done.
The holidays unleash far too many expectations.
Ouch! I found myself wondering if he is worth waiting up for. Does he then come home drunk?
A wreath is a circle with a pine scent, and you certainly seem to pine in this one!
Moving read...
Mournful, well-written piece.
Wow,
Very focused treatment of loss, loneliness and wanting. This has power beyond the brevity of the words.
snap, well done.
I love the way you structure this around the hours and the internal rhyme. Very complex though seemingly so simple. The scene and story are equally enthralling. Excellent.
Could feel the angst in every line ..
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